Upon discovering that he played against Yao Ming’s father during his visit to China 30 years ago, Wes Unseld pleaded with the Chinese to get busy in the bedroom and start making more Yao Mings to send to the NBA, preferably in the Wizards’ direction.
Chinese officials promptly snickered and told big Wes not to worry. They then pointed to a “friendly” mascot being held by Caron Butler, which is really a non-lethal DNA collection robot that will be sent back to the U.S. to gather samples from various Wizards (sorry DeShawn, you aren’t needed for this) so they can be combined with that of Ming to create a monster the league has never seen. His name will be Car’Twan-yao Gilwood Ming-Arenas.
The robot then expanded after drinking some Tuff Juice and challenged Caron to a game of 1-on-1. The bot, named Haibao, was winning 8-6 until Butler gave it the ‘Crocodile Dundee Gender Test’, confusing Butler and embarrassing the robot. The cruelty of being non-gendered, and having short arms, was too much for Haibao to overcome. It lost 11-9.
Ok, none of this really happened … but Unseld did say:
“I have one request to make, if you have any more Yao Mings, please send them to the Washington Wizards.” [via The US Daily, Reuters]
*If you thought this post was stupid, then you are 100% correct.
Links to Know:
An Official ‘So Long’ to Ricky Rubio
Ernie should not be judged on his Minnesota trade based on Ricky Rubio. Rubio was arguably not an option for the Wizards, and even if he was somehow picked by them, we have no guarantee that this whole debacle would have played out the same way….. I don’t think Rubio going to Europe should have any affect on how we view the Foye/Miller trade. The way we evaluate the trade is to see whether Foye and Miller help the Wizards win a lot of games. If they do, the trade was good. If they don’t, then it wasn’t. Ricky Rubio has nothing to do with it.
Will The Wizards Flip For Flip?
When Saunders landed with the Wizards, Hamilton praised the move, possibly because he realized that playing for Saunders wasn’t all that bad. While Saunders still has confidence in his system, he has learned from that experience. He blamed some of his problems in Detroit on not establishing enough personal relationships with his players, which explains why he has been bouncing around the country meeting up with players this summer.
LeBron James’ Contrived “Autobiography” Contributes to His Fake Persona Perception
- ['LeBron's Unnecessary Autobiography' - True Hoop, ESPN.com]
- ['Book Review: Shoooting Stars by LeBron James and Buzz Bissinger' - Hoopinion]