Look, people sponsor/host things all the time. Jimmy Johnson of Dallas Cowboys fame, for example, once lent his name to a pill for your jimmy. And just last week, Andray Blatche sponsored a night for lapdances (also for your jimmy).
So cheers to Andray, “of the Washington Wizards” for hosting something that would’ve been happening on a Tuesday in Miami anyway. Some have questioned why Blatche would risk the head-smacking PR hit for a meager pittance from a club night. Simple answer: the lockout is a comin’. Can’t blame 7-Day ’Dray for getting his, sadly likely as it may be that all he got in exchange for the use of his good name was free cover, drinks and company for his lap.
Now, in honor of Blatche sponsoring Tuesday as the designated night for lapdances, we here at Truth About It.net have some other nights he could sponsor…
Has a perplexing interaction with your coach left you benched for the rest of the game? Do you often confuse “boxing out” as a trick to get rebounds instead of what it should be, a habit? Did you get whistled for 11 technical fouls this season, tying you for ninth most in the NBA? Well, ‘Misunderstanding Wednesdays!’ is for you… the guy who isn’t unfairly labelled as a vast under-performer in relation to talent, but rather the guy who is just misunderstood. Only on Wednesdays, and only at Club Alizé.
Look, things be happening. You can’t always control which prostitutes are really cops… You can’t always not get into a fight with a teammate at the club… You can’t always be expected to care… Sometimes, when brushing dirt off your shoulders can only get you so far, the best choice left is to shrug them. As mentioned, things be happening, and if things be happening to you, join Andray Blatche at ‘Shoulder-Shruggin’ Thursdays!’, exclusively at Café Le Neck Scarf.
A man gotta eat, don’t he? Some fool once called pizza the perfect food because it contains mad members of the food pyramid. That fool obviously didn’t meet the burrito. Burritos are actually pretty much like life: can’t control how things come in, can’t control how they come out. And if you enjoy the finer things in life — finer things such as a wardrobe consisting entirely of pleated pants, pleated shorts and pleated jeans — then don’t be afraid to join ‘Dray Blatche at ‘Burrito Fridays!’ held at The Deuce Lounge. Free shots of Pepto and Vodka from 10:45-11:00 pm.
Basically, ‘Whisper Saturdays!’ is the new White Linen Party. Remember that song the Ying Yang Twins once put out where all they did was whisper? Of course you don’t. Nonetheless, that musical movement of genius equivalent to a headless turkey tasked to play the harp is what inspired ‘Whisper Saturdays!’ So join Andray Blatche at Club Shoosh where the only thing that will distract you from hot breath and braces full of leftover burrito lettuce will be trying to hear the sounds coming out.
Been a long week man, time to liberate accumulated smells into the air of the free world. Held exclusively at The Bump Lounge and sponsored by Andray Blatche, ‘Air-It-Out Sundays!’ rolls the nightlife party scene, that burrito you ate on Friday, a sweaty sock filled with other sweaty socks and the well-regarded members of your local hazardous materials team all into one extravagant affair. HazMat suits optional, wearing plastic gloves and bird flu masks recommended, colon checks a bonus.
“Groinial Massage Mondays!”
If “lapdance” sounds too unsavory, then ‘Groinial Massage Mondays!’ is for you. First of all, we all have groins. And yes, sometimes those groins need to be handled in a delicate manner so as to allow the tense muscles to relax. There are a lot of ways one could hurt their groin, but if you’re not really moving laterally on defense, I’m not sure how. Regardless, ‘Groinial Massage Mondays!’ at Club Clerb is probably what you need. Now, we can’t exactly guarantee who will potentially be massaging your groin — and no, the security check to get in doesn’t count — but we will guarantee that it will be performed to completion.