Memo to NBA: Contract the Wizards
[A rare lead. Screenshot via Comcast.]
Sacramento. Golden State. Detroit.
Everyone beats the Wiz.
So I say—let’s join ‘em.
Break them up. Dismantle the court. Burn the uniforms.
Make the Wizards disappear.
What, another city wants this group?
Send them to Seattle. Maybe they’ll find some magic, can be Wizards of the Coast.
They’re not a team. They’re a collection of unincorporated persons, loosely camouflaged—thanks to some color-coded laundry—to look like professional basketball players.
An Opportunity Missed
The Wizards play a dozen blocks from the First Fan. A man who interrupts the most important job in the world to watch League Pass.
He has basketball in his blood. He wants to be entertained.
And the Wizards are putting on a show for President Obama—a horror show.
This is the worst stretch in the franchise’s history. Even before the recent string of three straight, last-second losses. You know it’s bad when Ted’s Take is scrambling for silver linings.
Leonsis wanted the team to bottom out. Well, we’ve hit rock bottom.
Our most talented player is a point guard who can’t play the point.
Our second most-talented player was Denver’s bad contract.
Our shooting guard certainly shoots—and shoots and shoots some more.
And so on.
One Shining Moment. Just One. That’s All We Got.
I want to believe. I have stood through playoff losses. I have paid for expensive seats at mediocre games.
I own an embarrassing amount of Wizards paraphernalia.
I also sat three rows behind Leonsis as the ‘Zards upset Oklahoma City.
It was a glorious moment that defined a season—because it was so so wildly insane that no one even expected it.
I’ll treasure the memory. Especially when I watch John Wall in a Sonics uniform next season.
Caveat: Author reserves right to retract opinion if Wizards draft Anthony Davis.