Irreverent But Possibly Irrelevant Wizards Trades That Could Unlikely Happen
NBA trade season is upon us, breathing down our necks like Puff the Magic Dragon, unintentionally but deceptively singeing hairs (but also cleaning up that neck) at the same time.
Randy Wittman insists that he don’t need nobody. (When he really should be doing a karaoke rendition of David Lee Roth’s “I Ain’t Got Nobody” cover.)
Nevertheless, some of the TAI crew is here to serenade you with ESPN Trade Machine button-clicking with some feasible but probably totally unlikely trade ideas that might or might not help the Wizards. Leggo.
Chris Singleton and Al Harrington to the New York Knicks
for Metta World Peace and Beno Udrih.
Less Uncle Al. More Cap’n Ron. Less Chris Singleton. More ‘Who Knows?‘
This is crazy enough to be halfway crazy.
Chris Singleton and Garrett Temple to the Milwaukee Bucks
for Gary Neal.
Jan Vesely to the Sacramento Kings
for Jimmer Fredette.
Martell Webster, Kevin Seraphin, and Al Harrington to the Milwaukee Bucks
for Luke Ridnour, Gary Neal, and John Henson.
Henson is young, affordable, intelligent, and very talented. If the tanking Bucks are willing to sacrifice depth in a frontcourt that has been very, very injured this year for a long-term piece elsewhere in Martell Webster and retain financial flexibility otherwise with the expiring contracts of Seraphin and Singleton, the Wizards could be game. It may be, though, that Henson only becomes available if the Wizards are willing to take on a significant salary, like that of O.J. Mayo (Woelfel mentions that Henson is being “dangled” in deals of that nature). If that’s the case, this trade could look a bit different.
Whatever the potential deal may be, I would be incredibly sad to see Martell Webster go. His locker room presence makes a deal like this somewhat unlikely, but if the Wizards want to acquire depth, it will come at a price. Webster represents Washington’s only real asset that is not completely essential (given the acquisition of depth elsewhere in his stead) to this year’s playoff run. Ridnour isn’t as good as Milwaukee’s third-string point guard, Nate Wolters, but he’s a definite upgrade from the forgotten one, Eric Maynor, and this trade addresses Washington’s need for additional, inexpensive depth at shooting guard and center.
Jan Vesely, Eric Maynor, and Chris Singleton to the Denver Nuggets
for Andre Miller and Anthony Randolph.
Not sure who is crying or who is “helped” the most.
Perhaps both all involved and none of the above at the same time.
Kevin Seraphin to the San Antonio Spurs
for Jeff Ayres and Cory Joseph.
Cory Joseph, 22, is a guy the Wizards should target. This Canadian international has started just 23 games in his three seasons in the NBA (13 starts this year, in place of Tony Parker), but would be the second-best point guard in the DMV as soon as he landed at DCA.
Joseph has become a more vocal leader on the floor, as his game has improved, something fellow Canadian national team members like Steve Nash and Jermaine Anderson have noticed. And because his contract runs through next season, he could keep Eric Maynor and his player option firmly planted on the bench where they belong. Plus, Joseph’s skill set even works with Randy Wittman’s terrible, ancient and inefficient offense. Fun Fact: He’s hitting nearly 50 percent of his shots from midrange.
In return for Joseph’s services, and throw-in Jeff Ayers, the Wizards would give San Antonio a taste of #KSLife. On paper it makes a lot of sense. Kevin Séraphin is a Euro. (See that accent aigu? #SoSpurs.) He could provide low-post scoring to complement the likes of Tim Duncan, Tiago Splitter and Boris Diaw. And he’s generally regarded as a very coachable player. (In reality, he’s a guy that won’t hang his head when a coach, furious, spits in his face a little bit.)
The Wizards would have to cut a player. The most obvious candidate: Al Harrington. Easy. Done.
This trade will not happen, of course, because the Spurs would likely rather have both Joseph and Patty Mills in line behind Tony Parker (currently out for the “foreseeable future“) than Seraphin’s inconsistent ability to put the ball in the hoop. Merde!
Otto Porter, Jr. and Jan Vesely for the All-Star Game MVP and an ex-Wizard.
Everyone’s eying Jarrett Jack—but why settle? Kyrie’s frustrated in Cleveland, and he’d make a great third guard for the Wizards (who would surely lock up the third seed with him on the roster).
[Ed. Note: This is ‘So Dan Diamond’. —Kyle W.]
Trevor Ariza and Garrett Temple to the Los Angeles Lakers
for Steve Blake, Chris Kaman, and Nick Young.
Not completely sure why the Lakers would do this. (Not sure why the Wizards would do this.)
Perhaps for the memories. Perhaps for old times’ sake. Perhaps if the Wizards include the 2015 second round pick owed to them by the New Orleans Pelicans.
Trevor Booker, Eric Maynor, and Garrett Temple
for the Minnesota Timberwolves for J.J. Barea and A.J. Price.
Wait, why are we still here?
… Wizards … Trade Deadline … Crickets of Doom …