The Washington Wizards Wear Their Spirit Animals (A Photoshop Friday)
I’m not quite sure what the deal is with me and spirit animals lately. When Drew Gooden arrived in Washington, a couple of TAIers assessed his potential spirit animals. Prior to the Wizards playing at Sacramento recently, I asked one James Ham to provide me with the spirit animals for several Kings. He was all like, ‘Huh?’ but then wrote ‘tiger, lion, grizzly bear, horse, fox, butterfly.’
Maybe it’s because the term contains “spirit” and spirits are good to drink, as well as “animals,” which are delicious … at least according to me.
Turning to the clichéd dictionary definition, of the urban variety, we get:
In pagan religions and systems, a spirit animal or totem is meant to be a representation of the traits and skills that you are supposed to learn or have. Online, saying something or someone is your spirit animal is a statement that said person or thing is a representation of you or what you want to be.
There are also, of course, websites which claim to be able to find your spirit animal depending on how you answer a series of questions. This site says I’m a bear with potential hawk, crow, or swan tendencies. This other site says that I am a tiger … or a coyote … or a butterfly.
Conclusion? Yes, this is totally inane. Why else are we here?
Oh yea, the Wizards. Being creatures of Instagram ‘fashion’ selfies, for the most part, TAI decided to capture various Wizards actually wearing their spirit animals, photoshopographically.
Let’s fashion, David Bowie.
Here Jan Vesely, an honorary Wizard for this purpose, wears his custom-made kitten boots, complete with velvet underpinnings. These are great for the Denver climate year-round, as they also can convert to an open-toed sandal with the pull of a couple whiskers.
And to prove just how much his spirit is truly in tune with the kitten, Vesely has made it a practice to sprinkle a kitten head per day in his morning coffee.
Some might think that Kevin Seraphin’s spirit animal is Snakey the snake (still M.I.A., BTW). That would be false. It’s actually Snakey’s feed: the hamster.
Sure, some hamsters must be sacrificed to serpents, but not all of them. Some hamsters must be sacrificed for fashion. Here Seraphin wears a 400 thread count hamster decorative clip for his tie/vest. And to prove he’s all-inclusive, he brought former foe, current pal, Coach Seb-hamster, to the party. Coach Seb-hamster comes complete with this season’s beard, a hat that says, ‘Oh, that’s one of those guys who wears one of those types of hats,’ and a suit that’s been coated with a clear polymer in order to repel shedding hair—the perfect respite from his days on the wheel.
John Wall’s spirit animal is a peacock, and I’m not completely sure why. Proud, boastful, shows his feathers that glow like a tattoo giving Jason Reid a migraine. Peacocks can fly, mind you, just like John Wall, but tend to be ground feeders. Also, this is from National Geographic:
Suitable males may gather harems of several females, each of which will lay three to five eggs. In fact, wild peafowl often roost in forest trees and gather in groups called parties.
Seems appropriate. Here, John Wall is ready to party with his peacock feather eye belt buckle and his peacock head bowtie and, of course, his feathers. Coolin’, man.
Jeremiah was a bullfrog, Trevor Booker IS a bullfrog.
“He looks like one every time he jumps with two feet and lands after rebounds,” says TAI’s Conor Dirks. Totally agree.
Here Trevor is wearing his exclusive Vera Wang bullfrog beanie had and matching gloves. They help him keep the Cook Book’s recipes warm on cold winter nights. See Trevor Ariza over there? He’s diggin’ it, bruh.
Jordan Crawford, ex-Wizard.
His spirit animal is actually just a small, living Jordan Crawford doll that he carries around. It’s just like Lil’ Penny, except Chris Rock does not have to be involved (he’s too busy preserving the ‘Grown Ups’ franchise with David Spade), which makes it better, because Jordan Crawford is Jordan Crawford. That’s how it always go.
Happy Photoshop Friday.
- Las Vegas Council: Wizards Lose to Kings in Semifinals, Leave Summer League 5-1
- Superofficial Subjective Gut Feelings about Kevin Durant’s Hypothetical Wizards Future
- Jan Vesely Packs His Bags for Europe, Perhaps For Good
- Las Vegas Council: Rice & Porter Spur Wizards to Classic Summer League Victory in Triple-OT