The 2014 Best (and Worst) of Wizards & Beyond — Part 2 | Wizards Blog Truth About

The 2014 Best (and Worst) of Wizards & Beyond — Part 2

Updated: January 15, 2015


Good morning, good afternoon and good evening, wherever you are.

Do you remember yesteryear? As in, the very most recent one, 2014?

We at TAI do, sort of, as much as fleeting short-term memory allows. And so we blog, capturing pixels and releasing them unto the Internet, forever.

Welcome to the Best (and Worst) of the Washington Wizards 2014 (and beyond)Part 2.

For this survey, a cross-section of 33 intense Wizards followers were polled, including TAI staffers, those from Wizards-involved media entities (bloggy and non-bloggy), and fans otherwise of the team (as evidenced through their Twitter feeds). Many thanks to all those who voted and commented.

Please enjoy the fruits and veggies of this labor of love below. Part 1 can be found here, and Part 3 here.



truth about it, big panda, bradley beal, washington wizards, nickname, adam mcginnis, panda chain, necklace, bao bao, happy birthday

Winner: “Big Panda” (Bradley Beal) (14 votes)

“Optimus Dime is damned clean, but Big Panda is mythic. Beal has embraced it (via a panda chain), panda emojis fly, and there is enough reverse anthropomorphism for all of us.”

“It’s certainly not that lame-ass ‘Blue Magic’ nickname for Beal.”

“Fan created names is best. Why? Bcuz we kno 1st hand when we had a runaway hit by naming a former Wizard player with the catchiest nickname since “Hot Plate.” That’s right, we’re talking about we glory days, when WizzNutzz blogged & we handed out the nickname “Salieri” to Michael Jordan. (We coinage Agent Zero was ok too.) And Since Big Panda was by Truth About It — either COnor or Adam — it gotta be No. 1s all times 2014.”

“Adam McGinnis’ relentless commitment to the connection between BB3 and Bao Bao always makes me happy. Beal acknowledging the connection was a proud #wizardstwitter moment.”

“Eat BAO BAO Eat”

Runners-Up: “Optimus Dime” (John Wall) and “The Professor” (Andre Miller) (6 votes each)

“My vote would have gone to ‘House of Guards,’ which is one of the best nicknames in the NBA.”

“I feel like there is no nickname more fitting for an athlete.”
@Abdu11ah on “Optimus Dime”

“Feelin’ myself.”
@JohnCTownsend, originator of “Optimus Dime”

Honorable Mention: “The Truth” (Paul Pierce) (3 votes)

Others receiving votes: “B/W Parkway” (Wall & Beal) and “The Polish Machine” (Marcin Gortat) (2 votes each)

“This list, without ‘Secret Weapon,’ is not a list.”

“Don’t forget #Slenderman.”

“Wither ‘Airwolf.’ ”


[#WittmanFace not so good at catching balls...]

[#WittmanFace not so good at catching balls…]

Winner: #WittmanFace (12 votes)

“The anguish on Randall’s face is same we feel in we hearts whenever we decide to tune in2 Wiz broadcasts when we u should be out feeding the homeless or chanting the Heart Sutra. WE FEEL UR PAIN EVEN IN THE GOOD TIMES, WHIT WHIT.”

“#WittmanFace has somehow made it into legit Washington Post articles. We made it, Ma!”

“So we have officially retired #SoWizards?”

Runner-Up: #Pray4Nene (8 votes)

“Come on. No contest”

Honorable Mention: #KSLife (5 votes); #ArizaBruh (5 votes); #MaynorTime (2 votes); #NeneHands (1 vote)

“Though his play on the court can be frustrating, there is no doubt Kevin Seraphin runs the social media game with his inspired hashtag #kslife.”

“Because in 40 years I will still be using #kslife.”

“TAI’s hashtag mastery makes it tough to choose just one, but #ArizaBruh rolls off so well and more importantly, defines literally any Ariza play, good or bad. Simply and always, #ArizaBruh.”

“Write-in vote for #JohnWallCoolin’ which I just made up but should def be one. Or just #coolin’. We need to do more with coolin’.”


[Marcin Gortat and Steven Seagal - via]

[Marcin Gortat and Steven Seagal – via]

[via @MGortat]

[via @MGortat]

Winner: Marcin Gortat (16 votes)

“Gortat, mostly for unintentional comedy.”

“The back and forth about whether to buy a p0rn subscription >”

“Matching Goretaut will trash talk people. He hav no brand to protect, no drinks to hide, no shaved chest to hide behind a tanktop.”

“Wall & Beal are the most boring social media back court of the modern era.”

Runner-Up: Kevin Seraphin (10 votes)

“The guy snap chats random fans. You win doing that.”

“Gortat is close, but Seraphin is just weird. And weird always makes good social media content.”

Honorable Mention: Martell Webster (6 votes); John Wall (1 vote); Bradley Beal (0 votes)

“John Wall for “Coolin'” selfies alone. But in all seriousness, I prefer my Wizards to actually BE serious on social media more often than not. ‘Pierre’ traumatized me.”

“Love Marcin, but Martell has always been highly engaging.”



Winner: Kevin Seraphin (15 votes)

“Oh, he’s definitely the worst also.”

“He needs to hire a millennial with horn-rimmed glasses.”


Runner-Up: Bradley Beal (13 votes)

“Nobody else makes as little use of the 140 characters allotted than Bradley Beal.”


Honorable Mention: Martell Webster (2 votes); John Wall (1 vote); Marcin Gortat (1 vote)

“Webster, only because he’s hands down the funniest person in that locker room and I feel like he holds back and doesn’t use social media enough.”



Winner: Nenê (11 votes)

“Nene is an admitted neat freak, most one-named ‘divas’ are, and his beard is always trimmed up.”

“Consistent, methodical.”

“Touch of Grey.”

Runner-Up: John Wall (new fuzz) (7 votes)

“This is prolly hardest question ov quiz this far aside from “Who does most #BadTouch?” But JWall is lookin TITE with that scrag. He look like backpack rap in human form, “The Low End Theory” in the flesh, John the Funky Homosapien, No. 2 is the magic number”

Honorable Mentions: Marcin Gortat (6 votes) and Martell Webster (6 votes)

RE: Martell — “I’m still referring to fine Moroccan beard oil in conversations, even though nobody cares.”

Others receiving votes: Drew Gooden (3 votes)

“As an almost 40-year-old man, I appreciate the fact that he’s bald, yet rocks a beard that looks like it was snapped on with buttons every day. That shows character.”


Paul Pierce Glasses

Winner: Paul Pierce (12 votes)

“Paul Pierce’s facial hair is akin to the islands of Hawaii. They are close in proximity, but there is no hope of them connecting.”

“If it’s not connecting past age 30, just give up.”

Runner-Up: John Wall (new fuzz) (11 votes)

“Wall’s patchy playoff beard last year struggled.”

“He stole the fuzz look from me (jk). The fuzz he actually pulls off well, but the perpetual disconnection from the rest of his beard has to improve.”

Honorable Mention: Kevin Seraphin (10 votes)



Winner: Marcin Gortat (12 votes)

“The quote-of-the-night lurks around every corner when the Machine chats up the media.”

“Gortat doesn’t answer until he is suited and booted, conducting most interviews in center of locker room. He gives harsh assessments win or lose. No BS cliches.”

“Candor rating: ONE HUNNID.”

Runner-Up: Martell Webster (mostly for last season’s antics) (9 votes)

“There’s never an uncomfortable interview with ‘Tell. Even when he’s not joking around. Awesome guy to cover.”

“He tells great stories, makes pointed basketball and life observations, and he has the abililty to bring in other teammates mid-interview. Versatility baby!”

“Never watch / listen to interviews, but we’ll give one to Sui Generis // #EYRST”

Honorable Mention: John Wall (7 votes) and Randy Wittman (5 votes)

“Many might peg Gortat, but I really appreciate how much Wall has grown in this regard. Plus, he’s often willing to get geeky about basketball.”

RE: Wittman — “I appreciate the low-level ‘f*ck you’ vibe he maintains through every interview.”


Trevor Ariza, #ArizaBruh, #HookahArms.

[Trevor Ariza, #ArizaBruh, #HookahArms.]

Winner: Ariza (27 votes)

“This is like choosing between my son and daughter. Gotta go with my son.”


Runner-Up: Booker (6 votes)

“Booker was an all around likable dude in the locker room. Always had a positive attitude despite falling into a few Martell Webster joke traps, and had a great friendship with Kevin Seraphin.”

“I’m a cereal guy, so….”



Winner: Colin Cowherd (17 votes)

“Not smart or decent enough to apologize for the lowest of blows.”

“But I DETEST David Falk. Falk at least knows he’s an asshole, though. Cowherd believes himself.”


Runner-Up: John Feinstein (7 votes)

“Colin is an easy target but he doesnt know any better. John Feinstein is an established, respected journalist and author who was just flat-out wrong in his assessment of John Wall.”

“Toughest choice of the survey so far.”

“He ‘wins’ for the more regular, everyday, Wizards-related villainy.”

Dishonorable Mention: LeBron James (6 votes)

“All the others are jus harmless honkeys. Bronbron is an actuall dagger in we sides, a Midwestern Jack the Ripper.”

Others receiving votes: David Falk (2 votes); Tony Kornheiser (1 vote)


[Part 1 here; Part 3 here.]


john wall dunkfalk3

Kyle Weidie on EmailKyle Weidie on GoogleKyle Weidie on InstagramKyle Weidie on LinkedinKyle Weidie on TwitterKyle Weidie on Youtube
Kyle Weidie
Founder / Editor / Reporter / Writer at TAI
Kyle founded TAI in 2007 and has been weaving in and out the world of Wizards ever since, ducking WittmanFaces, jumping over G-Wiz, and avoiding stints on the DNP-Conditioning list. He has covered the Washington pro basketball team as a member of the media since 2009. Kyle currently lives in Brooklyn, NY with his wife, loves basketball, and has no pets.