Good morning, good afternoon and good evening, wherever you are.

Do you remember yesteryear? As in, the very most recent one, 2014?

We at TAI do, sort of, as much as fleeting short-term memory allows. And so we blog, capturing pixels and releasing them unto the Internet, forever.

Welcome to the Best (and Worst) of the Washington Wizards 2014 (and beyond) … Part 3.

For this survey, a cross-section of 33 intense Wizards followers were polled, including TAI staffers, those from Wizards-involved media entities (bloggy and non-bloggy), and fans otherwise of the team (as evidenced through their Twitter feeds). Many thanks to all those who voted and commented.

Please enjoy the fruits and veggies of this labor of love below. Part 1 can be found here, Part 2 here.

MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED
(beyond 2014 into 2015)

[via @SwedenDC]

Winner: Otto Porter, Jr. (24 votes)

“I’ve been leading the Otto train since jump street. I see no need to look for a new destination.”
—@BenStandig

“I still believe.”
—@ConorDDirks

“By default.”
—@Truth_About_It

????????
—@wzzntzz

“Please, for the love of God, let it be Otto.”
—@SwedenDC

“Though I wasn’t the biggest advocate of picking the skinny Georgetown prospect in the draft, Porter has shown this season that he has the ability to be a rotation player for years to come in the NBA.”
—@nbilka

“Most Likely to be a Fringe Starter in the NBA.”
—@JohnCTownsend

“#Slenderman is always lurking.”
—@porkrind

Runners-Up: Shelvin Mack, and Cash Considerations (4 votes each)

“C.R.E.A.M.”
—@Rashad20

“Dolla dolla bills y’all!”
—@GheorgheTheBlog

Honorable Mention: Glen Rice, Jr. (1 vote)

Not receiving votes: Tomas Satoransky, and Jordan Clarkson. 

MOST LIKELY TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT JOHN WALL’S PASSING OF THE BASKETBALL

Winner: Marcin Gortat (12 votes)

“‘5 Years & $60 Million Reasons Why John Wall Is the Point God’ by Marking Goodtot.”
—@wzzntzz

“Probably more about how he brought John Wall to the Promised Land, but same general idea.”
—@BFrantz202

“Marcin is destined to be the Polish Dostoyevsky.”
—@aorf3

“I would say Ariza, but he sometimes seems a little too stubborn to admit how much Wall helped resurrect his career. Gortat is the answer ’cause he’s often going out of his way to praise Wall as the league’s best point guard.”
—@Truth_About_It

Runners-Up: Martell Webster, and Bradley Beal (7 votes each)

“Webster’s got the chops and the personality to actually do this. And the money (via Wall’s passing) to do it somewhere sunny.”
—@ConorDDirks

“Written by Martell Webster, co-authored by Trevor Ariza, with the preface written by Rasual Butler. I believe Conor Dirks had brainstormed a money title for such book a few months ago: ‘That’s Me in the Corner’.”
—@Abdu11ah

“BW Parkway will write many books about the championships they won in D.C.”
—@AdamMcGinnis

“Bradley Beal, which he will co-author with Otto, and it will focus mostly on favorite places to visit around St. Louis.”
—@asledd

“How is Feinstein not an option?”
—@ClintonYates

Honorable Mention: Rasual Butler (4 votes), and Trevor Ariza (3 votes)

“Rasual is thoughtful enough to be able to do this, and John Wall’s passing has probably extended his career for a couple of years.”
—@nbilka

“Wall’s Street: How one player turned 165 dimes into $32 million,” by Trevor Ariza
—@SwedenDC

CLOSEST TO A GOLD WATCH
(Retirement)

Winner: Drew Gooden (16 votes)

“He looks done already.”
—@ConorDDirks

“Uncle Drew just wants to yoga.”
—@Truth_About_It

“The ‘new Scalabrine’ seems satisfied with his role as the Wizards victory cigar, but hasn’t replicated his crazy production from the end of last season. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is his last year.”
—@nbilka

Runner-Up: Andre Miller (10 votes)

“He’s The Professor and all, but his effectiveness is waning slowly—except for when he’s facing Austin Rivers.”
—@Rashad20

“Skillz wize it prolly Drew Gooden, but he gotta an expensive cheese habit to upkeep so he’s gonna be in that Juwan Howard cockroach mode for YEARS to come. We’ll go with Bubbles just because age & hot dogs gonna catch up with he.”
—@wzzntzz

Honorable Mention: Martell Webster (4 votes); Paul Pierce (2 votes); Nenê (2 votes)

“Webster. Miller’s probably about halfway through his career.”
—@SwedenDC

“Nene. /reverse jinx choice”
—@GheorgheTheBlog

FAVORITE FORMER WIZARD TO HATE WATCH

Winner: Nick Young (15 votes)

“My vote was for JaVale until Nick Young’s recent revelation that he hated the Wizards.”
—@Rashad20

“Except, I actually love to watch Swaggy.”
—@ClintonYates

Runner-Up: JaVale McGee (10 votes)

“WHO COULD EVER HATE STEEZ>???????????????????????????????????????????????????????”
—@wzzntzz

“I will always find joy in what junk JaVale is throwing up in Denver.”
—@AdamMcGinnis

“Hard to hate any of them to be honest, even if a couple of them may hate us.”
—@SwedenDC

Dishonorable Mention: Jordan Crawford (in China), and Andray Blatche (in China) (3 votes each); Jan Vesely (in Turkey) (2 votes); Trevor Ariza (1 vote)

“Andray Blatche. I like to do this with a burrito on my lap and neon lights replacing my retinas.”
—@ConorDDirks

“Jordan Crawford. As Wale would say, ‘Hate is the new love.’ ”
—@Abe_Squad

“Nothing personal against Steez, but he has always struck me as a player who looks far better than he actually is. A poor man’s Josh Smith of guards, without the defense.”
—@nbilka

MOST SIGNIFICANT, POTENTIAL RIVAL

[original image via @JoeGlo1 of @HoopDistrictDC]

Winner: Chicago Bulls (22 votes)

“Since divisions matter little and I think the Bulls are the best, gimme the Windy City crew especially after last years playoffs and the Wall-Rose matchup. Measuring sticks all over the place.”
—@BenStandig

“There’s already a rivalry there (in that both teams fucking hate each other). Plus the Bulls have the best shot to get out of the East, probably, today.”
—@JohnCTownsend

“While the Cavs suck, the Raptors and Hawks are great and require the path to the 1-seed to go through their cities. However, the Bulls and Wizards have recent, significant history that hasn’t been friendly. Also, rooting against Joakim Noah triggers all the rage, so there’s that.”
—@Abdu11ah

“The Cavs/Wiz belong to the Arenas Era. The Bulls and Wizards literally fought each other tooth and nail last year, and now Rose and Gasol have only made the rivalry more competitive.”
—@Rashad20

“Bulls. Because, screw the Cavs.”
—@Truth_About_It

Runner-Up: Toronto Raptors (5 votes)

“To be honest, the thought of all these teams make me angry…”
—@SwedenDC

Honorable Mentions: Cleveland Cavaliers (4 votes); Atlanta Hawks (2 votes)

“Hawks. They are in the division—more games.”
—@2StepsAway

“Standing wize rite no it ATL, but as long as the Midwest Murderer is playin for the Mistake By the Lake that’ll be the dagger we gotta watch in backs most.”
—@wzzntzz

LEAST SIGNIFICANT FORMER RIVAL

[Happy Pappy Michael Jordan finds a smile amidst the glow of his outfit.]

Winner: Charlotte Hornets (the Bobcats of 2013-14) (14 votes)

“‘Charlotte’ and ‘significant’ cannot be used in the same sentence when talking about the NBA.”
—@malitzd

“The Hornets stink and should change back to the Bobcats.”
—@AdamMcGinnis

Runner-Up: New York Knicks (1969-1974) (11 votes)

“?????????????????????”
—@wzzntzz

“Because the Knicks are least everything.”
—@BFrantz202

Honorable Mention: Cleveland Cavaliers (2006-08), and Detroit Pistons (of 2012-13) (4 votes each)

WORST 2014 WIZARDS MEMORY

Winner: Eric #MaynorTime (12 votes)

“One of the more prominent barf bag eras of Wizards basketball, and there’s been a lot of them. When you consider the role Eric Maynor was brought in for and the serviceability we THOUGHT he’d bring with it, he was repulsively bad and I’ve got the Vines to prove it.”
—@Abdu11ah

“Harrowing.”
—@ConorDDirks

“Still sad about Maynor.”
—@asledd

Runner-Up: Losing to the Indiana Pacers in Round 2 (11 votes)

“I still don’t believe the Pacers were the better team.”
—@Rashad20

Honorable Mention: Ted Leonsis shitting on blogs, via his blog:

“Our sales for the [Wizards vs. Pacers, Game 6] on Thursday night will generate more revenues in one day than the entire blogosphere locally has generated in its lifetime. I can run you all through that math one day if you would like.” (6 votes)

This was after Leonsis, in 2012, pixelated: “It appears no local Wizards blogger stayed up late and wrote about the game in real time? I am sure they will do a good job later today; but without NBC local and the Post—I wouldn’t have the data that I wanted and needed.”

“Maynor mite be worst playa we ever seen, but Ted a passive-aggressive nerd.”
—@wzzntzz

Others Receiving Votes: The team name “Wizards” (3 votes);
The breakup of Jan Vesely & Eva Kodouskova (1 vote)

BEST 2014 WIZARDS MEMORY

Winner: Beating the Chicago Bulls in Round 1 (30 votes)

“Some people would tell you that winning in the playoffs is all that matters. It isn’t. But the Wizards were huge underdogs, and they de-horned a proud Bulls team. It was the most fun I had watching the Wizards in years.”
—@ConorDDirks

“So many great moments to choose from but nothing sticks to me quite like the smile on #WittmanFace and the exuberance of Wall and Beal after bringing home a playoff series win for D.C.”
—@Abdu11ah

“Partying with Wizards fans and being interviewed on WTOP while kinda drunk is the best moment for sure.”
—@AdamMcGinnis

“Almost nobody thought the Wizards had a chance in that series, and the Wizards dominated the Bulls. People can say the Bulls were depleted, but that is revisionist history. The team that came into the series against the Wizards had the man who would be Defensive Player of the Year and finish fourth in MVP voting as the anchor of one of the league’s best Ds. They also had the runner up for Sixth Man of The Year and a man widely considered one of the best coaches in the NBA, going up against a green Washington backcourt and the much maligned Randy Wittman. Nene set the tone in Game 1, the Bulls never adjusted and lost to the Wizards in five.”
—@nbilka

“THE DROUGHT WAS REAL. SO WAS THIRST. NOW FULLY MOIST.”
—@wzzntzz

“Enjoying all of those with #WizardsTwitter was actually the best part.”
—@SwedenDC

Runners-Up: Simply making the NBA playoffs; John Wall playing all 82 games (yes, some happened in 2013); Marcin Gortat meeting “the biggest hero in my life!!!!,” Steven Seagal. (1 vote each)

[Part 1 here; Part 2 here]

[via @blanchardJRB]

[via @swedc]

[via @JohnCTownsend]

[via @SwedenDC]

[via instagram.com/truthaboutit]

[via @wzzntzz]

[via @SteveBuckhantz]

[Nene, Wall, Beal, and Pierce — photo via A. McGinnis]

Kyle Weidie

Founder / Editor / Reporter / Writer at TAI

Kyle founded TAI in 2007 and has been weaving in and out the world of Wizards ever since, ducking WittmanFaces, jumping over G-Wiz, and avoiding stints on the DNP-Conditioning list. He has covered the Washington pro basketball team as a member of the media since 2009. Kyle currently lives in Brooklyn, NY with his wife, loves basketball, and has no pets.