D.C. Council 58: Wizards at Timberwolves — Nobody Move, Nobody Passes | Wizards Blog Truth About It.net

D.C. Council 58: Wizards at Timberwolves — Nobody Move, Nobody Passes

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Updated: February 26, 2015

Truth About It.net’s D.C. Council:
Grading Wizards players from Game No. 58: Wizards versus Timberwolves in Minnesota.
Contributor: Sean Fagan (@McCarrick) from the Brooklyn.

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Once in your life you’re going to run into that asshole professor who likes to prove a point by giving everyone in the class a failing grade while singling out one student for hurdling mediocrity and managing to pass whatever arbitrary standards the professor had put in place prior to the assignment.

This serves two functions: to cut the wheat from the chafe early in the semester and force those who can’t cut it out of the class, and also put a bullseye on the back of the one “passing student,” making he or she a target to exceed or measure oneself against.

So congrats, Nene, you’re the passing student, and I’m the asshole professor. You hereby earn a coveted letter grade of “B” on the night. You earned your passing grade by acting like you actually cared somewhat about playing a competitive basketball game, though your energy and zeal reminded me more of ‘Antawn Jamison about to flip the fruit platter in Indiana’ rather than a player exhorting his teammates to do something—anything—to come back in the game.

The rest of the Wizards? You are the faceless masses to which I just assign the grade “FAIL.” You can rage against my judgement, you can call my sanity into question, but I’ll use my tiny bit of power as the final arbiter to judge your efforts lacking.

Now, any student body is going to be full of complaints after suffering from what you may call my capricious whimsy… I can already hear the excuses forming in your mouths.

“We were not ready for the emotional return of Kevin Garnett.”

“John had an off night … that was bound to happen.”  

“That Wiggins kid: he was as good as advertised.”

“Whose idea was it to play Garrett Temple for 25 minutes?”

I’m asking you to spare me the excuses. Whatever elixir a decrepit Kevin Garnett may have offered for one evening, it should not have have been enough to inspire a 12-win team to a 20-point victory over a team that was supposed to compete in the Eastern Conference. Garnett is not enough of an excuse for total rebounding advantage of 10 for the ‘Wolves. It doesn’t explain the myriad asinine fouls committed that got the T-Pups to the line 28 times while you managed to sally forth for a grand total of eight attempts. Kevin Garnett CERTAINLY isn’t enough to explain a third-quarter shellacking in which ‘Wolves outscored you 32-18. Mind you that RICKY RUBIO, who can’t hit water from a boat, led the charge.

And now I’m going to do something I’ve never done. I’ll single out one particular person for failing above all others.

Step forward, Mr. Wittman, don’t be shy.

I know, I loved reading your praise of KG before and after the game. I am especially enjoying how there doesn’t seem to be any sort of panic in your behavior, because panic or any sort of concern would mean addressing a broken offensive system that degenerated into a tire fire. Even your vaunted defense was playing carousel. It would mean realizing that Rasual Butler is probably cooked for the season and needs to stop seeing floor time. Moreover, it would involve you showing any sort of adaptability as the Wizards continue to slowly slink back toward .500, wading into the ocean like Virginia Woolf with a bunch of pebbles in her pockets. You have become a bad influence and I think removing you from this class will benefit the learning process of those around you. Please pack up your clipboard and go.

Class dismissed.

 

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Sean Fagan
Reporter / Writer/Gadfly at TAI
Based in Brooklyn, NY, Sean has contributed to TAI since the the dawn of Jan Vesely and has been on the Wizards beat since 2008. His work has been featured on ESPN, Yahoo and SI.com. He still believes that Mike Miller never got a fair shot.