Today’s Washington Wizards News Fit For Photoshop Pixels

‘Wizards Shopping Blatche’

…Said ESPN’s Marc Stein on the Daily Dime last Friday. And look, everyone knows that when you shop an Andray Blatche, you shop him hard. We’re talking Costco free samples style. Because there’s no better way to get customers hooked than to give them a taste on the house. It also works in the hardcore drug dealing game as seen on television.

Meanwhile…

‘Flip Saunders On Steady Diet of Subway’

After Monday’s loss to the Houston Rockets, Flip Saunders had this to say: Read more »

Look, people sponsor/host things all the time. Jimmy Johnson of Dallas Cowboys fame, for example, once lent his name to a pill for your jimmy. And just last week, Andray Blatche sponsored a night for lapdances (also for your jimmy). 

So cheers to Andray, “of the Washington Wizards” for hosting something that would’ve been happening on a Tuesday in Miami anyway. Some have questioned why Blatche would risk the head-smacking PR hit for a meager pittance from a club night. Simple answer: the lockout is a comin’. Can’t blame 7-Day ’Dray for getting his, sadly likely as it may be that all he got in exchange for the use of his good name was free cover, drinks and company for his lap.

Now, in honor of Blatche sponsoring Tuesday as the designated night for lapdances, we here at Truth About It.net have some other nights he could sponsor…

“Misunderstanding Wednesdays”

Has a perplexing interaction with your coach left you benched for the rest of the game? Do you often confuse “boxing out” as a trick to get rebounds instead of what it should be, a habit? Did you get whistled for 11 technical fouls this season, tying you for ninth most in the NBA? Well, ‘Misunderstanding Wednesdays!’ is for you… the guy who isn’t unfairly labelled as a vast under-performer in relation to talent, but rather the guy who is just misunderstood. Only on Wednesdays, and only at Club Alizé.

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I’m teetering on becoming a “one-trick pony” when it comes to Andray Blatche. Or perhaps I’m like a ground hog that just sits fat and only looks for its shadow once a year. All I know is that the boiling point with Andray’s on-court problem pertaining to the Wizards’ overall ineptitude is not just about him, and it goes far beyond my critique on this little chunk of the world wide web.

So please, allow me to apologize for whatever it is that I am apologizing for. It won’t last forever, I promise. Now, I’d like to wish you a Happy Groundhog Dray. Yes, Groundhog Dray … which I’ve found to be an appropriate nickname for Blatche on multiple levels. Harrison Goodman (@GoodmanHarrison) adds via Twitter: “Plus he usually comes out in the spring when the season is over with anyway.”

You see, today is actually Groundhog Day … and evidently Punxsutawney Phil has indicated that we will get an early spring. Would this mean that a Blatche trade is in the works before this month’s trade deadline? Well, if you gauge your weather plans by a groundhog, perhaps so.  But also know that there are a ton of groundhogs out there, such as Mountain Maryland Murray (who indicates there will be more winter, BTW),  running around doling out haphazard predictions.

Fact is, you’ll be hard-pressed to scare up a championship caliber player, coach or GM who would welcome Blatche as part of their NBA title efforts. Some sleep at night knowing that other GMs like David Kahn are still out there, but even he has his doubts.

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A Photoshop, links and commentary…

Who knows if it’s true … who cares? This isn’t a gossip site. All I know is that someone on Twitter directed me to some site called MediaTakeout that is relaying gossip about DeShawn Stevenson possibly being illegally married to two women at the same time. There’s really no “evidence” as the site advertises, aside from a 2003 marriage certificate to the supposed first wife, which neither proves he is still married to that woman nor married to another. Basically, all this is a bunch of noise (and the story looks to be from early December 2010, but you won’t be stopping me if you’ve already heard). So what do we do with noise sometimes? Why, we stuff it in the Photoshop Machine, ignore the fact that we have a hand in spreading the gossip (once it’s on the Internets, there’s free-reign captain), and come out with the below hypothetical.

Just what if, instead of Abraham Lincoln, Stevenson got a tattoo of Joseph Smith, Jr. on the front of his neck, founder of Mormonism and, of course, polygamist. It just might be a scenario meant for itself.

Another question worth posing … does this provide new nickname fodder for Stevenson? Big Love? Should we call him a regular Bill Pullman? These are the questions to which there are no known, or right answers. That’s life (for DeShawn Stevenson … “Mister 50 (percent)” … Hey! Double entendre!). Now go read some links.

Links.

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Long ago, in reference to his team’s troubles at the time, former Orlando Magic GM Pat Williams said:

“We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road… As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play.”

The year was 1992 and the Magic fielded a 7-27 record when Williams said his quote that’s become one of the more infamously comical ones in NBA history. The 1991-92 season started out well enough for the Magic, as they won four of their first six games, two of which came against the Washington Bullets, one in Orlando and one in Landover, MD, despite 30 points from Michael Adams.

But when Williams said his memorable quote, the Magic had won just one out of the previous 21 games and held a  4-12 record at home and a 3-15 record on the road. After the quote, the Magic lost their next game at home versus the New York Knicks, but then won four out of their next six games. As irrelevant as all of this is, it all worked out for O-Town. Well, kinda. Their poor record that season landed them the No. 1 pick in the lottery and thus, Shaquille O’Neal, who later skipped town without winning a championship.

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Ever find yourself wondering when and if Kirk Hinrich wore a white home Wizards jersey with an Abe Pollin commemorative patch? Me neither. But thanks to the magic of Photoshop, or another graphic design/photo editing software that a tech guy insists is better, and my observations of the Verizon Center hallways while covering a Washington Mystics game on Sunday, you now have a where and a how, just not a when, because it’s actually never.

If none of that makes sense, good … I’ve lost you. See, much has been made of what’s displayed on the interior and exterior of the Verizon Center. Well, not really. It was only made over Gilbert Arenas and how his banner was removed from the outside of the arena, his face removed from pre-game video montages, and his jersey removed from sales availability. His image was scrubbed, they said … except for the various photos that were still posted around the locker room, and on the hallway wall outside an entrance, across which there’s also an entrance to the Wizards’ practice facility. So Gilbert really never left the arena. (Remember when it seemed all but guaranteed that he’d never play in a Wizards uniform again?)

Anyway … the pictures on those walls, which display several members of the team, must be dynamic and resourceful, because they’ve changed several times over the past months. And well, if a player hasn’t exactly appeared in a real game, the pictures must be adjusted. So let’s take a look at a couple more guys who’ve never played in a Wizards uniform, in a Wizards uniform…

John Wall (no patch) …

And I really wish there was a better picture of him. Not that this is a bad picture, but it looks off. Maybe it’s the awkward fist pound motion he’s making.

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Sixteen losses in a row and counting. The Wizards showed some bright spots in Tuesday night’s loss to Houston, such as JaVale McGee. Actually, he was pretty much the only bright spot. Well, James Singleton played okay.

Andray Blatche’s 31 points, 10 rebounds, four steals, three assists and three blocks you say? Well, when you play 41 minutes and receive the ball ALL. THE. TIME. (he took 23 shots) you are supposed to put up those numbers. He still has too much Tin Man in him … no heart … especially when it comes to rebounding toughness.

The Wizards mostly showed that they did not deserve to win. I’m sure some are saying, ‘Hey, those guys competed without Foye, Thornton, Gee, etc.’ But the Rockets also competed without Kevin Martin, Shane Battier and Jared Jeffries. Plus, the Wizards were beaten by Chase Budinger. Enough said.

Nonetheless, below are the notes and observations I took/made as I watched the game on delay at my leisure.

Note: Starters: Livingston, Young, Miller, Blatche & Oberto — 25th different starting lineup, 21 wins … something to be said about that ratio.

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{Scenes from last night in Cleveland}

I couldn’t exactly get inside the brains of the Washington Wizards, but my imagination did.

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Prior to Saturday’s 97-86 loss to the San Antonio, Flip Saunders indicated that for the most part, Brendan Haywood would guard Tim Duncan straight up and they would run one-and-a-half men toward the Spurs center “at times.”

Duncan finished with an efficient 23 points (10-16 FGs), seven rebounds, and three assists in 36 minutes.

Flip Saunders

After the game, I asked Coach Saunders asses how the defensive plan against Duncan worked. He said:

“Well we didn’t want to double at all. Every time we doubled, we gave up a three-point shot, which we weren’t supposed to be doing. So, like I said, when you play against a good team and you don’t stay with your game plan, you mess up, you pay the price.

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When it comes to the cut-throat world of the internet, where thou who posts first is like the man with one eye in the land of the blind, many have focused on being the first to post/blog/write/scribe/opine about the Gilbert Arenas-Javaris Critteton brandishing of weapons. I wanted to be the first to Photoshop about it.

In the Arenas/Crittenton comparison to the movie, Way Of The Gun, I suppose Gil would be Ryan Phillippe and Javaris would be Benicio del Toro. I’ve never seen the movie, but might own it. I sporadically buy $5-dollar movies from Target and leave them unopened on a shelf.

But if you Wikipedia Way Of The Gun, (BTW, is ‘wikipedia’ now a verb like ‘google’?) you’ll find that one critic, Richard Corliss of Time, described the film as, “a two-hour gunfight interrupted by questions of paternity.”

Seems fitting. Kinda.

Oh, and there’s not really a ‘Photoshop Theory’ here, I  just wanted to entice you with a headline, such as “Wizards Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton pull pistols on each other” like the NY Post.

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{Randy}

“We can’t reserve ourselves on defense. We gotta reserve ourselves on offense and give 110% on defense.

{Gilbert}

“Right now we stink … and we’re showing it.

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Some also call Zach, “El Toro”

{he had 19 total rebounds, 6 offensive}

The duo of Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol were too much for the Wizards to handle. They combined for 43 points and 30 rebounds.

Washington doesn’t have a guy who can take up space in the paint, and that hurts them on both offense and defense. Brendan Haywood has size, but is not agile. Antawn Jamison put up a good fight against Randolph the Bull, but just doesn’t have the size.

The Wizards are missing a dependable post player who can play with his back to the basket and pass (think the Kevin Garnett Flip had in Minnesota or the Rasheed Wallace he had in Detroit).

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Matching up Wizards locker room quotes after the Sixers game with corresponding facial expressions.

Nick Young

When asked what the team needs to do to build on this one victory:

“We need to just not get too down on each other, not criticize each other. Everybody needs to be one as a team. When one player messes up, pat him on the back and tell them ‘do a good job next time’ instead of talking trash.”

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Matching up post-game locker room quotes with corresponding facial expressions.

Caron Butler

When asked about the shot Hedo Turkoglu hit with 8.1 second left in overtime, putting Toronto up for good at 109-107 …

“Turkish Jordan.

You know, it’s tough. It was a tough shot. Tried to make him take a difficult shot, and that’s exactly what happened.”

Brendan Haywood

When asked about the rebounding of Chris Bosh, who had nine offensive boards, five in the fourth quarter alone, and 16 total for the game … Read more »

I experienced a “first” on Wednesday night.

In the Wizards locker room before the game, I noticed a stack of duPont Registry magazines under one of the huge flat screen televisions. If you aren’t familiar with the duPont Registry, it’s a publication full of fancy/luxury cars, etc. that only really, really rich people can afford. One of my friends had a duPont Registry once, but it was just for lookin’, not for buyin’.

So … Wednesday night was the first time I was in the vicinity of the magazine while also being in a room full of dudes who could purchase something from it.

So I have that going for me.

After Wednesday’s win over Milwaukee, I was all ready to write about Earl Boykins, as was everyone else in the world (and I kinda did … below), but life/work got in the way of a more formal game write-up. It happens.

I’ll be going to/reporting from the Toronto game tonight, and … IT’S FRIDAY!

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