Ok, as chance would have it, my preview for ESPN’s TrueHoop Network (of which Truth About It.net is apart) and my preview in conjunction with the big NBA blogger preview (coordinated by Jeff Clark of Celtics Blog), happen to fall on the same day — the Monday before the start of the 09-10 season. Perfect timing if you ask me.

So, below you will find my massive, bang-it-out, smörgåsbord (don’t worry, the proper accents on the Swedish word come for free) preview of the Washington Wizards. Some content is specific to the TrueHoop Network preview, and some content is specific to the big NBA blog preview (which, for the Wizards, was actually supposed to be posted on Sunday, but I waited).

Enjoy and godspeed.

Basketball is a thinking man’s game?

Sure, many Wizards have a championship on the brain, but what else?

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Sure this is a Wizards blog, but as a DC sports fan, I can’t go without poking fun at the pathetic state of my Redskins.

Now that his play-calling duties have been taken away, I bet Jim Zorn feels just as bad as baby Falcon Heene. It’s probably only a matter of time until Zorny throws up on TV from all the nervousness caused by his pappy, Tiny Dan Snyder.

I bet if he could, Zorn would hop on a balloon and fly far into the sky, away from all his troubles.

{Jim Zorn, Balloon Boy}

And now, Wizards links …

When Gilbert Arenas was asked how he reacted to Antawn Jamison getting injured against Cleveland, he said he thought Jamison had a “cramp.” Yea, riiiiight.

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Mike Miller is keeping his LeBrons …

Okay Mike, I get it and it’s cool with me. Although I may think what I think about LeBron James, I’ve got no beef with you.  LeBron’s shoes are your most favoritest in the whole wide world … and you are BFF with the guy who chose to have a tattoo artist ink ‘Chosen 1′ on his back.

I’m not sure who LeBron thinks actually “chose” him to be whatever it is that he thinks he is (maybe Sports Illustrated is god to him — whatever the case, it’s kind of arrogant).

On a side, but related note: It’s funny … when an athlete is good and some sort of athletic freak-of-nature, he is said to have “god-given talent” (aka chosen). But when someone is born with a disability, it’s called a “being tested.” Oh well and whatever, I’m digressing way beyond my worldly means of comprehension.

The point is, Mike, you named your son after LeBron James’ friend and now you want to keep wearing his shoes. They are light and no other shoe will ever, ever hold you with the same embrace. You say you’ll wear them until they hurt you. Basically, LeBron’s shoes are like a girl you’re seriously dating (but not necessarily one who’s achieved ‘girlfriend’ status … yet).

But here’s the problem, this girl you’re dating (or what the shoes represent: LBJ and the team he plays for, the Cleveland Cavaliers), has had “issues” … not only with at least one of your current teammates/friends, but she has left bridges burning all over the city in which you live/play.

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Even though we’re in a state of “this damn economy”, we can rest comfortably that there’s always an NBA player willing to implement his own mini-stimulus package to consumerism … such as Gilbert Arenas and his need to purchase a refrigerator and microwave for one day. And this took place in Michigan, which has recently fallen on hard times … so more kudos to Gil.

How do we know about all this? Why, the Twitter account of one @bigdaddywookie aka JaVale McGee.

{via @bigdaddywookie}

Now, some were calling it ‘rookie hazing’ … but JaVale will be the first to tell you, he ain’t no rook.

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So I got home after a dinner on Monday night and caught about the last five minutes of the Wizards-Pacers game….seeing the Wiz down 100-91 at the 5:45 mark didn’t exactly instill confidence in the possibility of a win, but I figured that the deficit was at least manageable.

Three minutes is all it took for the atrocious display that is the Washington Wizards to go from being down nine points to 20 points.

Actions taken by Jeff Foster, Danny Granger, and T.J. Ford were the tipping point which led me to easily conclude that not only were things falling apart, but the Washington Wizards were also rising down.

The photoshop concept, suggested by Bullets Forever user Jon L in the comments section here, derived from a Roots album…..the title of which stems from a book by this guy, similar to books being the basis for titles of previously alluded to Roots albums, Things Fall Apart and The Tipping Point, both also good candidates for some Wizards photoshopping.

Frustration is futile….might as well have some fun with this until the depression sets in.

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The good folks at Epic Carnival got their hands on a $50 gift card from MLB……so the obvious choice was to hold a Photoshop contest (despite a call for boobies and zingers) to see who would get their hands on the prize.

Naturally, I wanted to put my Photoshop skills to the test and attempted to get creative in the 11th hour of the deadline….and here is that attempt:

Hank Steinbrenner is at the wheel. Roger Clemens, Sidney Ponson, and Jose Canseco are all aboard. Milton Bradley is ordering Barry Bonds to get back on while Elijah Dukes is trying his best to escape the fray.

Check out all the other entries here. If you’re around…..you can, like, go and vote for me and stuff.

As an NBA fan, I want to believe that the fix wasn’t in. But as an NBA fan, I really don’t care. I’m still going to watch the games and the NBA will continue to be the Grade A of my favorite sport.

David Stern simply wanted to make more money. If Donaghy’s rhetoric is true, then the Commish has made his own bed….and should sleep in it, as he has potentially over-stepped his bounds in an unfathomable manner.

Stern has done a ton to promote basketball, and not just the NBA: Globalization of the sport, subsidizing the WNBA, the dress code, NBA Cares program, a tightly kempt Wikipedia profile. I still maintain that Stern is the best commissioner in sports, but if the turd hits the fan, will he continue his 20-year-plus year reign at the helm?

Gotta have money to make money, right? To get that capital for expansion, you need ad revenue. To get ad revenue, you need ratings. To get ratings, you need the involvement of the major media markets. But is this necessarily true? Sure Stern’s heart may have been in the right place, but did he have the wrong fix?

Want ratings? Instead of promoting big markets and star players, how about fixing all games to eliminate blowouts? It sounds exciting. Seems like people would catch on and want to watch regardless of the match-ups…..especially if this “phenomenon” led to more seven game series in the playoffs.

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Yesterday, Dan Steinberg had a post entitled Gilbert’s Magnets on the DC Sports Bog. Essentially, Steinberg pointed out the fact that our friend Agent Zero is peddling some magnets in his official web store. One has a (perhaps altered) quote from Gilbert’s blog. Another has cut-outs with Arenas sayings such as ‘Hibachi’ (actually a Brendan Haywood saying), and ‘Quality Shot.’

All of this made me ponder…..Gilbert has so many other potential-filled quotes and comments, just from 2008. Perhaps I can offer some additional product design suggestions…..for magnets, t-shirts, plastic cups, collector’s plates from the Franklin Mint…whatever. So here goes:

Item #1 – Saved by Young Jeezy

From Gilbert Arenas’ blog [March 25, 2008]
“It was just me and my car … speeding — something that I shouldn’t be doing. Then I got that thought that I know everybody gets once in a while, I was like, “You know, what if I just ran my car into this pole right here?” I don’t know why I thought that, but I kept going with it. “Then I can jump off the road into this lake and just swim … or drown. Whichever one comes first.” It was really devastating. I was thinking, “Mannn, again?!” But I listened to Young Jeezy’s verse in “They Know” to get me past those bad thoughts … plus, I’m sane. I’m a sane person, I wouldn’t do that to myself.

Wow…..must be a special song, huh? You can check the lyrics to Shawty Lo’s They Know (featuring Young Jeezy) here…..in addition to the YouTube linked in Gilbert’s quote.

What words of salvation….maybe it’s this line that saved Agent Zero from himself: I’m in my cool whip insides jello; Hop up out that pretty muthaf*cka like hello.

Next time Gil’s in a pickle, he needs to keep this track handy….he’ll thank me.
—————–

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Word on the street is that Dominic McGuire and Roger Mason Jr. both have new nicknames. You see, Nancy, the DC Sports Bog reader sponsored some prizes and a contest was born. I initially campaigned for ‘Taser’ (made popular on Bullets Forever) as McGuire’s nickname. However, in the spirit of competition, I started suggesting more possibilities. Now for the results (decided by Nancy herself this past Friday night):

Roger Mason Jr.
1st Place: Tres (WizardsExtreme.com)
2nd Place: Dr. Tre (Ahern Inquirer)
Personally, I still like the Potomac Rainmaker – seems like Mason’s nickname needs to have a hometown flavor. Then again, Antonio Daniels was on TV the other night saying that the players call him Mase-ON.

Dominic McGuire
1st Place: The Cleaner (yours truly)
2nd Place: McFly (CK in GA from VA)
3rd Place: LiveWire (doclinkin)

Now, I’m sure there are some out there who disagree with Nancy’s decision (more words from the street indicate that MacGuyver was also popular for D-Mac)……but it is what it is. Who knows? One day there may be a web poll allowing for a democratic decision. But this time, Nancy was Queen. So, in honor of Dominic McGuire’s new nickname, I present this photoshop:

A) D-Mac needs to work out more….he’s starting to look like Cedric the Entertainer.
B) That one Wizards dancer has an abnormally long arm. Read more »

Business First

Steinberg’s DC Sports Bog and Nancy the reader are holding a contest to nickname Dominic McGuire and Roger Mason, Jr. – Bullets Forever gave me the heads-up…..as our friend the Vanilla Gorilla has already coined the nickname “Taser” for D-Mac. (of course, inspired by the infamous ‘Don’t Tase Me Bro’ skit/stunt). Well, what would Dominic McGuire do under similar circumstances? Judging from the photo below, D-Mac would gladly be tased broseph…..leading one to think that he just may be partial to his potential new nickname: The Taser

The Celtics Game

Solid win for the Wizards last night. [Live Blog on Bullets Forever] Regardless of the quality of the opponent, I was especially proud of the team effort and the ability the Wizards showed in sustaining a couple Boston runs. My boy Adam aka infrequent poster, the Stubborn Old Man, sent me an email right after the game which summed it up best:

After watching tonight’s game versus the Celtics I am convinced that the Wizards are capable of competing with and beating any team in the league. What kills me is our inability to put forth the same effort, focus and concentration regardless of our opponent.

Last week versus the Bucks, we had Milwaukee dead in the water, but for whatever reason we allowed the lowly Bucks to erase a double digit lead and snatch a victory out of the jaws of defeat. Tonight versus a much better and deeper Celtics team we withstood the inevitable “run” and made shots when we needed to and pulled out a nice 14 point victory.

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Yes, this is my/our country.

I hear they’re calling the midnight flight from LA to Dallas the Peter North Red Eye.

The Big List: Female Teachers with Students: “Most comprehensive account on Internet of women predators on campus” [WorldNetDaily] -Unfortunately, many of these women are atrocious.

Eliot Spitzer on Easter Sunday.

Call girls are sooooooo high tech: “I insist that they give me their full names and their place of work so that I can contact them there before we meet. I also check their identification when we meet. I also use verification companies, which assist escorts in verification of clients.” [Freakonomics - New York Times]

And then there is Ashley Alexandra Dupré AKA “Kristen” AKA Eliot Spitzer’s call girl. I’m sure you’ve all seen the photos from her MySpace page. My source came from CO-ED Magazine. The photo of her dollar-billin’ on a yacht in the Washington Channel in DC somewhere in Europe was classic…..could be a paper-back cover of a John Grisham novel. In fact, here is what it might look like (completely classy with a symbolic recap of the events):

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Cleveland, Ohio – January 24, 2008: Cleveland Cavalier forward, LeBron James has successfully lobbied the Cavaliers ownership group, principled by Dan Gilbert, to put a large New York Yankees logo at center court of the Quicken Loans Arena, replacing the Cavaliers logo. This comes on the heels of the release of a New York Yankee version of LeBron’s signature shoe, as well as the modeling of a Yankee hat worn by LeBron at a Cleveland Indians-New York Yankees playoff game in Cleveland back in October of 2007.

“Cleveland is my team, for now. The Yankees will always be my team.”, said James. “The New York Yankees is such a great and historic franchise which has always been a source of inspiration for me. The mere presence of the ‘NY’ logo drives me to perform at my highest level.”, he added.

While owner Dan Gilbert declined to comment, a team source said that he was very reluctant to go along. However, in the end, Mr. Gilbert’s hands were tied. Considering that LeBron has the option of becoming an unrestricted free agent at the end of the 2010 season, the entire Cleveland Cavalier organization has been catering to his every whim. Just last week, LeBron’s children, LeBron Jr. and Bryce Maximus, were named partial beneficiaries in Mr. Gilbert’s will. In addition, the nickname for the Quicken Loans Arena, “The Q” will now be know as “TQNY.”

Minority owner, entertainer Usher Raymond had this to say, “Look, I’m not going to get Caught Up just because LeBron said ‘I want it My Way‘. We just have to take this thing Nice & Slow. Yeah!, it may Burn in the hearts of fans, but personally, I’m just going to tell them to Pop Ya Collar because I still consider Lebron My Boo.” Mr. Raymond was subsequently punched in the crotch by a passer-by.

LeBron, a native of Ohio, grew up rooting for the Dallas Cowboys, Chicago Bulls, and New York Yankees. One of his most treasured possessions includes a scale model of an old western bandwagon with the logo of each team printed on the canvas. One of the potential NBA MVP’s future aspirations include a redesign of the Cleveland Cavalier uniform to include the logos of his favorite teams, a picture of his face and his children’s faces, and the corporate logos of his sponsors: Sprite, Nike, Bubblicious, Powerade, and Upper Deck. NBA Commissioner David Stern declined to comment.

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The tale of two men,
Sam Cassell and Dikembe Mutombo,
wearing Wal-Mart shirts with double-breasted pockets,
and their journey of what could, should, might be their last NBA season
…..all while dealing with the one white arm of Cassell.

And now for a Bucket List of Links:

>> I can’t stress enough how cool this project from Jason of Ball Hype is. Are you raising a kid? Do you want him or her to play sports? (and by “sports”, I mean Basketball, Baseball, or Football — sorry hockey, no offense…..you just weren’t included in this project) If you want your kid to play against the best of the best around….and if you want nothing to ever get them down….then consider moving. The link will help with your decision where.

>> Malcolm Gladwell has a couple interesting posts on his blog about sports and artificial enhancement. You should probably start reading with this one, then this one…..and then go back to these two: 1 2.

>> Ahhh….Duke giving us more reasons to hate Duke…..I mean, Dook. Hey, thanks guys! [Señor Irrelevant]

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As you would expect, DeShawn Stevenson’s new nickname, “The Lock Smith”, was reported on Steinberg’s DC Sports Bog.

DeShawn has been through a lot since the summer. From the “under the influence” picture of him and his Black Card (or Centurion Card) on MySpace to his “solicitation” of Lindsay Lohan.
Look, if you want a good summation, go check out The Big Lead.

Well DeShawn, hopefully your luck has changed. Of course, being a huge Wizards fan, Truth About It Dot Net is always pulling for you….even in jest. So we got together and created a new picture for your MySpace page in honor of your new nickname. (And hey, it looks like you logged in today, January 14th – Good to know that you are optimistic and hailing from Cuba.)

Good luck tonight Lock Smith…..the Celtics, and especially Ray Allen, will gunning for you because of what happened at the end of Saturday’s game. Bullets Forever with the recap:
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>> So Joakim Noah wants to be a rapper? Go look in a mirror kid, I bet you see Troy Hudson.

>> A Mississippi State fan powered by whiskey? Really? Who knew? I was able to catch the final 5 minutes of the Bulldogs’ win against Central Florida in the Liberty Bowl. In a 10-3 game where the only TD scored came with just under 4 minutes left, five was all that was needed. In any case, this post from Mr. Irrelevant reminded me of what I saw in those waning minutes, along with what happens when college freshmen are powered by Jack D in Tennessee.

>> There’s always some sort of mysterious time period before you can reference a tragedy in a piece of comedy. Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Blog? has a post entitled, “Unlike Sean Taylor, Sean Taylor Stuff Just Won’t Die” that made my humorous side chuckle a little. However, for those who believe a higher power was at hand, or for those who find inspiration in the fact that the Redskins beat the Cowboys by 21, Sean Taylor’s jersey number; and if this recognition brings the team together on the field for a playoff run and off the field in realizing how valuable life should be held, then I’m just fine with that. [found via yet another Big Lead Roundup]

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