The Wizards, on Tuesday, landed the third overall pick in the 2012-13 NBA Draft … and they will do with it what they please, your miseducated speculation and dime-store mock drafts be damned.
So Truth About It.net turned to online scouting regurgitations, mostly intuition, and a wing and a prayer to come up with a list of the most potentially #SoWizards players who could soon be given a fanny-pack embroidered with a scarlet Wizards logo, a spot on the roster, and a pain in our hearts.
#1) Rudy Gobert
At some point in time, Ernie Grunfeld yelled, to no one in particular, “Well, why don’t you just calculate a player’s ability to calculate!!?”
He was being facetious, but some scientist got right on it. Well, at least the guy was wearing a lab coat. He was also wearing a G-Wiz mascot uniform under that.
Grunfeld then, himself, went on to measure Frenchman Rudy Gobert’s 7-foot-9 wingspan in Grunfeld head-lengths (hey, that’s just his system… the answer is 5.138, by the way—Ernie has a really long head). Grunfeld also calculated Gobert’s 238-pound weight in Grunfeld heads, and it just so happened to be the very same number.
So it was determined that Gobert would be the third overall pick, especially since he can exchange “je m’appelles” and “toute de suites” with Kevin Seraphin and Snakey all season long, much to the chagrin of Randy Wittman. Take that, analytics!