This is Capt. Jeff Bower, been with the ‘force for years … too long to count. He was a Lieutenant forever, but then finally said, “I’m getting too old for this sh*t,” the prerequisite about of times and Bam! … he was promoted to Captain. You’ll never find him without a wad of chaw tucked in his cheek … Chattanooga Chew is the preferred brand, but he’ll settle for Brown’s Mule should the situation become dire. Cap’n Bower has often impressed with his ability to drink coffee and eat donuts while he’s working on a fat tobacci wad. Otherwise, he holds the distinction of being from Pennsylvania while also looking like he’s from Pennsylvania.
In another life, Bower is the current head coach/GM of the New Orleans Hornets and coached Rik Smits at Marist.
This is Rufus McKenzie. Rufus has looked the same exact way since the sixth grade — haircut, body-type and all — except that he’s now bigger, much bigger. Rufus was “discovered” outside of a Louisiana Wal-Mart where he was accepting a challenge to see how many shopping carts he could pick up at once. He could tell ya how many he lifted, but then he’d have to kill ya. Ever since, Rufus has been a bodyguard/roadie on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He’s also holds the Arkansas state record for amount of Lil’ Smokies consumed in one settin’ (that’s “sitting” for you city-folk). Again, he could tell ya how much he ate, but he’d have to kill ya. Read more »