No. 1 on this week’s list of stupid NBA basketball stuff: this guy.
[original image via Evan Vucci, AP]
First of all, cool story, bro. [Is 'cool story, bro' played out yet? I mean, it is on t-shirts and stuff. Nonetheless, it applies to this guy.]
Second of all, nobody cares. [Wild guess: You, bro, are also a NY Jets fan.]
Third of all, the Heat won a championship recently. You might have heard about it through the Internets if you’ve been a fan of the team for long enough. So, why don’t you go suck on that for a spell. Should provide plenty of nourishment.
Fourth of all, even though your sign does not specifically outline such, you did not pay all that money for tickets to “see Lebron play.” Nope, you paid to see the Wizards of Washington play the Heat of Miami. Susan O’Malley is no longer around, so I’m pretty sure that LeBron wasn’t featured on the ticket that got you into the arena.
Twenty-eight percent of 3-pointers taken in the NBA are from the corner, and they go in the basket 3.6 percent more than above the break 3-pointers. The Washington Wizards, with John Wall, are the best shooting team in the league from the corner. This is significant.
[UPDATE: Hold on to 'Booing Blake' on this particular night; Griffin is out against the Wizards with a left hamstring strain.]
The Washington Wizards’ futility over the past four and a half seasons has had several consequences. Their games are no longer broadcast on TNT, ESPN or ABC; NBATV, sometimes. National pundits rarely discuss the team, unless they’re mocking them. NBA bloggers, many of whom became relevant around the time Gilbert Arenas was penning weekly posts for NBA.com, now associate Wizards history with the antics of JaVale McGee, Nick Young, and Andray Blatche. (The days of Gilbertology—and the playoffs—seem all but forgotten.) The Phone Booth now only sells out when fans of opposing teams buy tickets.
Another important fallout has been the loss of a true rival. Wizards fans of this generation always point to the postseason battles against the Cavs as a treasured memory. They were heated and controversial affairs—who can forget the origin of the Crab Dribble? Followers of each team genuinely disliked the other. DeShawn Stevenson and LeBron James definitely didn’t fake their disdain for one another. Even Soulja Boy, reliably relevant during the aughts, was somehow involved.
The Wizards eventually came out on the short end in their series against Cleveland, but they still had an everlasting emotional impact on the fan base. D.C. was united in its hatred of LeBron James and the Cavaliers. (For me, the name Damon Jones will forever trigger an immediate gag reflex; I imagine Boston Red Sox fans feel the same way about Aaron F’ng Boone.) But after Gil’s painful locker room flame out, the contemptuous relationship abruptly ended. With the Wizards now wallowing in NBA’s cellar, nothing has since replaced it.
[D.C. Council: setting the scene, rating the starters, assessing the subs, providing the analysis, and catching anything that you may have missed. Unlike the real DC Council, everything here is on the table. Game No. 21, your Washington Wizards vs. the Heat in Miami; contributors: John Converse Townsend and Kyle Weidie from the other side of the boob tube.]
A coach trying to avoid
an amber alert with his players…
[D.C. Council: setting the scene, rating the starters, assessing the subs, providing the analysis, and catching anything that you may have missed. Unlike the real DC Council, everything here is on the table. Game No. 15, Washington Wizards vs Miami Heat; contributors: John Converse Townsend and Adam McGinnis from the Verizon Center, and Kyle Weidie from behind the T.V.]
[RGIII looks sad hugging LeBron James; Sam Cassell's head was there.]
Hey, did you know that RGIII (Robert Griffin the Third) was at the Wizards-Heat game on Tuesday night?
Yep, he totally was. I know because I watched it on the T.V., and there he was, definitely in attendance. He just about sat in Randy Wittman’s lap thanks to courtside seats. Seats that Ted Leonsis sits in sometimes. But this time, RGIII was there. You’ve certainly heard about it via the Internets, via the Twitter, perhaps even via the Google.
Maybe RGIII saw a Wittman face (i.e., #WittmanFace). Maybe RGIII saw John Wall’s red pants. He definitely saw the Wizards beat the Heat, 105-101. That RGIII, what a guy.
RGIII also witnessed the below GIFery: a sweet block by Kevin Seraphin on LeBron James after some fancy dribbling. Did you know that RGIII was at the Wizards-Heat game?
Here to provide the DC Council Opening Statements for Washington’s 15th game of the season against the Miami Heat in D.C. are TAI’s Kyle Weidie (@Truth_About_It) and guest Surya Fernandez (@SuryaHeatNBA), who writes about the Heat for the SB Nation blog Hot Hot Hoops.
Wizards Starters (1-13):
A.J. Price, Bradley Beal, Trevor Ariza, Chris Singleton, Emeka Okafor (More changes to the starting crew in consideration? We will see.)
Sometimes I wonder if LeBron James’ spirit animal is Mitt Romney. I’m not quite sure what this means — and not to get all ‘political’ — but just bare with me. Romney was born into a rich family, and LeBron was born rich with physical gifts that the NBA has never seen before. Both, I’m sure, had to work hard to get to where they are. Both, I have seen, are capable of having emotional expressions on their face which appear obsessively calculated and robotic. (But who doesn’t have silly expressions on their face sometimes?)
What it boils down to is this: Can you see a young “Glove” Romney having all the fun in the world with a dollar bill, a fishing lure, and an inner city street near a homeless shelter? Certainly. And perhaps that’s the visual elicited from the below LeBron GIF-ery performed against the Wizards last night. Let’s watch…
Wait, what just happened? Let’s watch from another angle…
[D.C. Council: setting the scene, rating the starters, assessing the subs, providing the analysis, and catching anything that you may have missed. Unlike the real DC Council, everything here is on the table. Preseason Game No. 7, Washington Wizards at Miami Heat (in Kansas City, MO); contributors: Adam McGinnis, Rashad Mobleyand Kyle Weidie.]
Jordan Crawford can pass? Yes, Jordan Crawford can pass… to Jan Vesely, a GIF.