Upon discovering that he played against Yao Ming’s father during his visit to China 30 years ago, Wes Unseld pleaded with the Chinese to get busy in the bedroom and start making more Yao Mings to send to the NBA, preferably in the Wizards’ direction.
Chinese officials promptly snickered and told big Wes not to worry. They then pointed to a “friendly” mascot being held by Caron Butler, which is really a non-lethal DNA collection robot that will be sent back to the U.S. to gather samples from various Wizards (sorry DeShawn, you aren’t needed for this) so they can be combined with that of Ming to create a monster the league has never seen. His name will be Car’Twan-yao Gilwood Ming-Arenas.
The robot then expanded after drinking some Tuff Juice and challenged Caron to a game of 1-on-1. The bot, named Haibao, was winning 8-6 until Butler gave it the ‘Crocodile Dundee Gender Test’, confusing Butler and embarrassing the robot. The cruelty of being non-gendered, and having short arms, was too much for Haibao to overcome. It lost 11-9.